Men's Health: 50 Things Men Wish You Knew
After my hetero lifemate, Cate, tore this list of 50 Things Men Wish You [Silly Women!] Knew apart, I decided to take a whack at it myself.
If you're truly interested in us, don't not call us three days after an amazing first date just to "play it cool". It's called cool for a reason: your inability to follow through with a promise no longer makes you hot. It makes you a dumb ass.5. If you're truly interested in us, don't play hard to get.
Because making fun of the insecurities women have (which, by the way, are encouraged by society and men who buy into ads using sex to sell things. Axe, anyone?) is the best way to make her love you. I'm also very doubtful that your girlfriend is the only woman you're attracted to.9. I'm hot for you, not your sister or your friend or your coworker.
11. Don't be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.
12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain't pretty.
Going to have to go with Cate on this one: if natural is sexier, can I stop shaving my pits, pubes, legs, etc? What about my mustache (if I had one)? Next time I have a zit the size of Mount Rushmore, I'll embrace it naturally instead of covering it up.
I'm actually more concerned with how this harms men. Newflash: men do not want to have sex 24 hours, 7 days a week. There are times when they do not want to have sex. Shocking, I know, but true.13. You can have sex with us any time you want. Seriously.
18. But you can have sex with us any time you want. Did we mention that?
BARK? Are you SERIOUS? I don't think I have ever "barked" in my entire life. I am not a dog, I am a woman.14. When the game is on, we will pay attention to you if you're nice about it. Bark, and we shut down.
Because, clearly, no one in my life knows BETTER THAN A MAN what I really am looking for. Lying does not make me feel good. It makes me feel belittled and stupid. It also makes me think you're an idiot who doesn't have what it takes to dish out the truth.21. I just may lie to make you feel good. Don’t be angry about this. You really weren't looking for the truth anyway.
We wouldn't have to fake if you knew what you were doing. Did it ever occur to you we're faking it just so the boredom will stop so we can go practice "looking natural"?23. You’re really bad at faking it.
Because my greatest goal in life was to be a trophy. And I wasn't aware that you could be "hot" with a unibrow and hairy armpits.27. Err on the side of hot; I love to show you off.
So can you. And the reason can't be one of the following: breasts, cars, explosions, fight scenes, or sex.40. You can pick the movie, but have a reason.
Anytime you cook for us, we're happy. The same goes for laundry and other household chores.43. Anytime you cook for us, we're happy.
47. And we love it when you hang with us guys, too.
Just as long as they're his friends doing something manly (like drinking beer. Or maybe #31: Chicks who drink beer are hot. Better yet: chicks who drink beer and watch the game. Better still: chicks who buy us a beer during the game.), it's ok. But if they're your guy friends, I guarantee instant jealousy.
Oh really? See #21.50. Never say, "I know you better than you know yourself." Nobody does.
I have one thing that I wish all men knew: stupid lists like this really do you no good and teach nothing to no one. No woman will "learn" for this list - and not just because it's printed in Men's Health (keyword - MEN'S), but because it's a ludicrous piece of junk. By the way, this is completely heterosexist. Does this apply to gay men and the things they wish their partners knew? Doubtful. Women are not stupid, nor are we inadequate. We are just as intelligent as the next person and we don't need a list of 50 things men wish we knew.
Comments
I say we collaborate and write the 50 Things Women Wish Men Knew list.